This is how it all began January 15th.

As odd as it may seem, it all started when I had my Leatherman Flair signed by two-time WWE Hall of Fame superstar wrestler Nature Boy Ric Flair. Now you may call yourself a scientist. You may sleep soundly in your bed knowing that your world revolves around empirical evidence and peer-reviewed science. BUT. I mean, what are the chances? I bought a Letherman Flair over a decade ago. Bought is may too strong a term, you don’t own it in the conventional sense, merely own the responsibility of holding it for the brief time till gets lost or stolen and the technician’s Nataraja dance continues for another spin. I was attracted to the Leatherman Flair for many reasons; uniquely it offered the services of a corkscrew, olive fork and butter knife. Hilariously, it also offered me the opportunity to “explain” to people how it had been designed by two-time WWE Hall of Fame superstar wrestler Nature Boy Ric Flair. In a decade I am yet to be asked, “really?”

So when, on the same day as the tool signing, and after a few beers, someone offers you the chance of a free place in the 2020 London Marathon, it was clear higher forces were at play. The tides of man are moving fast and favourably. 

This is day one January 16th

Equally strangely for me, I confessed to my partner early on. My usual advice to anyone in a similar predicament would be keep the ears of this situation well tucked in till an auspicious time presents itself. My partner was full of enthusiasm and support for my life choices and life continues in its merry way.

Except.

She made me get out of bed and run a mile to Highbury and Islington station. Against my better judgement. Made it 400 yards before my knee started to hurt. Ended my excursion limping which added another layer of realism to my “pound shop drug dealer” running attire.

This is a problem January 17th.

It will need addressing.

This is January 18th

Out of bed. 50 minutes on the cross trainer. Oh yes. some advances have been achieved in my running wardrobe. Small steps.

Sunday 19th

Good news. It appears my friend Marianne is running the Hampton Court half marathon on March 15th 2020. It would be a good idea to use this as a warm up for the big day.

Bad news, she has been cheating and doing serious training for the last 6 months. Shame. Very much letting the side down.

Great news. Everyone seems to think a half marathon is 19 miles. It is in fact 13 miles, a 30% improvement. Oh yes!

Monday 20th January 97 days to go.

And the first day of taking this seriously. 

I get the message that my application has been accepted and I am actually going to have to go through with this. 

97 days to go.

Tuesday 21st January

My knee is very much better thanks for asking. 

30 mins on the cross trainer before breakfast. This twice a day. Join the local boxing club end of the month. Hampton Court half marathon. Bosh! no worries. Not for the first time I have been told in no uncertain terms that this is dangerous. “I don’t want you to die through ego, enthusiasm or sheer bloody mindedness.”

Saturday 25th 66.7kg

I am away with the Stoke Newington running club. My two major worries, they will appear almost cultish in their eagerness to be friends with me, looking to indoctrinate the outsider into a lifestyle of lycra and sweatbands, or pumped up rugby player alpha male types strong on upper body strength and banter. Never fear, this is Stoke Newington. I didn’t actually see anyone bring along a book of poetry to lend but topics trending were dogs and schools. The thing with running in a group is 

1. You are aggregated, which means you don’t look so much of an arse when doing warm up, which in turn means you don’t cut corners, doing it properly and sufficiently.

2. You follow the person in front. Once you delegate the concept of where you’re going this frees the frontal lobes for much more interesting pursuits. My first thought was, why doesn’t someone make balconies of glass? Not pub glass, the strong stuff they made Cindarella’s shoes from. GENIUS. Guess the running must have dislodged an ancient piece of cheese from somewhere.

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5km (5.1 actually) in 31.30. 

The really odd thing. Came home and felt compelled to make a banana and date smoothy. I don’t know how to make a banana and date smoothy, but I was compelled. You know. Like a salmon. Am I turning into a salmon?

I am beginning to think my knee problem is generated from a hip problem. 

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